Sunday, 10 April 2011

Shoe Review! Emerica "The Situation", Kevin 'Spanky' Long Signature Mid-top

FASHION! Turn to the left! There's Karl Lagerfeld's intern using a shoehorn to poke his neck wrinkles into his shirt collar! And there's Alex Perry superglueing sunglasses to his bald head! Turn to the right! And there's Coco Chanel, Hugo Boss and John Galliano kicking a jew to death! And Dov Charney getting rapey with his employees! Oh, there's Jean-Paul Gaultier, he's really funny and I love that guy. But he's the exception.
Perry - permanently wears sunglasses on head

Lagerfeld - no visible neck wrinkles

Fashion, like skateboarding, is pointless and inhabited by deplorable people. Skateboarding has its trends, and I have followed many of them. During the 'big jeans' years of the early 1990s I would buy 40" jeans and belt them around my 28" waist. Loops of denim would hang from the belt hoops, and the cut-off cuffs would engulf my shoes and trail on the ground, using science's capillary action to suck up dirty, salty water from the Scottish streets. Once I made the mistake of wearing such attire on the sticky wall ride at the funfair. While I was stuck to the wall I slipped down within my voluminous clothing, so that my skinny legs protruded as far as my knees, and my waistband was around my armpits. Centrifugal forces pushed tears into my earholes as I wept with shame. But I love skateboard shoes. I always covet the next pair. Here follows a review of my most recent purchase.

Emerica 'the Situation' shoes are Kevin 'Spanky' Long's pro-model gutties. They are a suede/canvas mid-top with a vulcanised sole and very clean lines - no stitching on the suede toe-cap. And they were just $65 (on offer from an online shop).

The shoes are produced by Emerica. I used to pronounce this 'Ee-merica' but I now understand that it is 'eh-merica'. Think a New Yorker - the kind of New Yorker who pronounces 'coffee' as 'cwaffee' and bangs taxi bonnets while shouting 'I'm walking here!" Imagine that guy saying saying 'America' - that is the pronunciation you wish to achieve. The company was not established by patriotic Americans who like taking E.

the shoes after 1 week
just 3 lace holes, you casual bastards. the toe cap is a bit ripply now
It says 'KSL' down the heel.

They're very light, and run a touch small and narrow. My perfect size is a Supra 8; these 8s are a bit smaller than that, and tight around my toes. I need to wear them laced loose or they pinch at the sides. They're nice to wear without socks, probably because there's not a lot of stitching to chafe your feet. They wore in quickly while skating, and the sole is nice and grippy. The unstitched single-piece toecap makes them excellent to slip in and out of the toe-clips on my bike .

In conclusion, I like them.


  1. I saw "Kevin Spanky" and misread it as "Kevin Spacey" and got all excited there for a moment.

  2. "The company was not established 'BY' patriotic Americans who like taking E. "

    MISTAKE!!! I claim my 5 pounds.

  3. Adam, I don't know what you're talking about.